FAQ

Q: Can my family watch the competition? 

A: We are working on a a way for the entire family to watch the event safely,  there will be heavy equipment, tractors, spears, throwing knives, guns and high voltage electricity. But seriously, we ask that the young ones not arrive before 5 PM.  We will wait until 5 to do the awards ceremony so that the family can bask in the glory of their men.  We will have some kid events like Kiddie caber toss, nail hammer, etc… for the Famvitational.

Q: Is this a church activity?

A: No it is not, unless you consider racing a lawn mower a religious experience.

Q: How much does a caber weigh?

A: 175 lbs.  Easy!    (Ours weighs much less)

Q: How can I train for The Manvitational?

A: The Manvitational will test many aspects of your manliness but you can train by becoming an expert in the following categories.

SPORT

  •             Baseball throw to strike zone
  •             Football throw to basket
  •             Golf stroke (to 50 yards)
  •             Longest cast

SHOP

  •             Tool identification
  •             Truck tire removal and replacement
  •             Hammer in nail for number of strokes

TEAMWORK

  •             Obstacle course (scored as a team)

STRENGTH

  •             Caber toss
  •             Electric shock
  •             Farmer’s carry

INTELLECT

  •             Riddles

MAN SKILLS

  •             Tractor racing
  •             Skinning a wild animal
  •             Tie tying
  •             Drag racing
  •             Knife throwing
  •             Ax throwing
  •             Root beer chugging with extra points for burping
  •             Marksmanship

PLEASING YOUR WOMAN

  •             Laundry folding
  •             Changing a diaper
  •             Washing a pan
  •             Loading a dishwasher
  •              Complimenting her

Q: Okay, so what can I really expect at the Manvitational?

A:  Let me ask you a question- Are you the type of guy that can turn anything into a competition? (like skipping rocks or a friendly round of golf with your Broskis) If you answered yes then you should enjoy the Manvitational.  But seriously, we thought it’d be kind of fun to hang out with some friends, enjoy a little friendly competition and do some silly crazy stuff that we haven’t done since cub scout day camp.

Q: I don’t know how to drive a tractor. Can I still participate?

A: Yes, there will be a brief lesson before your time in the John Deere.

Q: Where should I display the trophy if I win?

A: Any place of prominence will suffice.  i.e. kitchen table, front porch, work desk or most appropriately, on top of the bathroom throne!

Q: Why is it for men 21 and older? 

A: So I can exclude my 18 and 20 y/o sons.

A: You will need a more fully developed pre-frontal cortex to compete safely.

Q: Why is The Manvitational on July 2nd this year?

A: Because my wife doesn’t want to have it on the 4th of July and the Sisters Quilt Festival is on the 9th of July.

Q: But why male models?

A: But why male models?

Q: Will there be alcohol?

A: There will be throwing knives, double bladed axes, heavy machinery, fire and maybe guns, so we thought alcohol would be a bad idea.  We will provide root beer.

Q: What if I can’t make it this year?

A: Unacceptable, unless you have an excuse as good as this guy’s…

Dear Man-agement,
After last year’s mediocre performance, I committed training to dominate at this year’s manvitational. My efforts have back fired as my doctors have advised me not to participate. I have had some unforeseen consequences to becoming the most manly man.
I trained countless hours, weight lifting, working on cars, blowing stuff up, you know, typical man stuff. My body craved more manliness, so I fed it. Little did I know there is a limit to what the male body can handle.
One night, I woke up in a dazed stupor eating raw ground beef and drinking motor oil. That’s when I sought medical help. The doctors were amazed when they ran my blood work. My testosterone levels broke their equipment. No one has ever seen this much testosterone in a single organism before.  I sweat pure testosterone.
One would think this would be helpful at an event like this, but the sheer amount of testosterone actually sedates other males around me. Subconsciously men understand there is THE alpha male present and they can’t help but subordinate themselves to me. It is really sad to watch.
Because of this, I am not permitted to participate in anything manly. I have been prescribed a healthy dose of crocheting and watching golden girls to try and get somewhat back to normal levels.
I apologize I won’t be participating this year, but it is safer for everyone that way.
Also, my wife’s family is having a reunion that weekend, so it works out for everyone.
May the second most manliest man win.
Matt.